Q: How many piccolo players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None (they ask their boyfriend to do it for them).
Q: What is the defintion of "perfect pitch"?
A: Throwing a piccolo in the toilet without hitting the rim.
Q: How do you know when a piccolo player is at your door?
A: The doorbell shrieks!
Q: How is an Eb clarinet better than an piccolo?
A: The Eb clarinet burns longer.
Q: What's the difference between a piccolo and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline!
Q: How do you get a piccolo player out of a tree?
A: Cut the noose!
Q: What do you get when you cross a piccolo and an Eb clarinet?
A: An earache.
Q: What's the difference between a piccolo and an onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up an onion!
Q: Why do piccoloists put their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do a piccolo and a law suit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Q: If most musicians are either high or low, what does that make a piccoloist?
Q: What's the definition of a minor second?
A: Two piccoloists playing in unison.
Q: What's the difference between a piccoloist and a seamstress?
A: A seamstress tucks up the frills.
Q: What do you call a good piccolo section?
Q: What's the difference between a dead piccoloist and a dead skunk in the road?
A: There are skid marks infront of the skunk.
Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who knows how to play the piccolo and doesn't.
Q: Why were piccolos invented?
A: To give the whole orchestra a headache.
Q; What is the definition of a "nerd"?
A. Someone who owns their own D-flat piccolo.
Q. What is the difference between a piccolo and a dog whistle?
A; I don't know, but I feel sorry for dogs because they can hear both!
Q: What kind of calendar does a piccoloist use to keep track of his/her gigs?
Q. How do you make a piccolo sound like an E-flat clarinet?
A. Slide up to all of the high notes.
Q. What is the range of a piccolo?
A. Should be at least 20 yards.
Q. What is the ideal weight for a piccoloist?
A: About 2 1/2 pounds including the urn.
The piccoloist calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. ``I'm sorry, he's dead,'' comes the reply. The piccoloist calls back 25 times, always getting the same answer from the receptionist. At last she asks him why he keeps calling. The piccoloist replies, "I just like to hear you say it.''
Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."
"Live Long and Prosper"
After a passage was played abusively loud and shrill by the piccoloist, the conductor stops the orchestra and asks, "Can you please set that thing to 'stun'?" (- From a musician in Brazil who said the American conductor's analogy was lost on the Brazilian orchestra who apparently were not aware of the Star Trek origin of this statement.)
MISCELANEOUS MUSIC JOKES
Q: What do you call a musician without a significant other?
A man walks into a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He looks at the selections:
Flute Brains $1/lb Oboe Brains $5/lb Tuba Brains $25/lb Percussion Brains $100/lb
He asks the butcher why percussion brains are so expensive. The butcher replied, "Do you know how many percussionists you have to kill to get a pound of brains?"
St. Peter's still checking ID's. He asks a man, ``What did you do on Earth?''
The man says, ``I was a doctor.''
St. Peter says, ``Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?''
``I was a school teacher.''
``Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?''
``I was a musician.''
To this St. Peter instructs, ``Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen...''